These Words shared by My Father That Helped Us as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience quickly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a broader failure to talk among men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to take a pause - taking a few days abroad, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I think my job is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."